"The Love Dare"
Day 3 - Buy Your Spouse Something
Today we continued to
not say anything negative to our spouse and to show them that we were thinking about them, we were suppose to buy them something.
I liked the idea of this one, think more about your spouse and spend more time and energy on them.
Wanting
to live frugally and having a tight budget, we do not just run out to buy something unexpected. That gave me the
challenge of fulfilling the dare without using any money. Yes, for today I fulfilled the dare!
I thought
instead of spending money I would save my husband money! We have been watching the mortgage rates as many of you have
and I was able to get us locked in at 4.625%! WOW! I was happy with saving just under $200 a month and I know
my husband would be thrilled with my rate lock when he arrived home. This does benefit the whole family but when my
husband is the bread winner the pressure is relived off of his shoulders when I can help us spend less a month.
I didn't stop there. You lock in that low of a rate, you think you can conquer the world. So I set
out to conquer home owners and auto insurance. Ok a little step down from the world but still quite a feat. I
didn't save us as much money but I found that we were not covered for things that we thought we were, and we had too much
insurance for other parts of the policy.
To save your family money, make sure to watch every 6 months
or every year when you receive those insurance statements that you still know how much you are paying. Our home owners
went up over 30% in one year - ouch! Time to shop around and make sure you are getting what you are paying for.
***Tip***
Depending on your situation do you need more then liability on your autos? Are they older? Talk
to your insurance agent and analyze your situation. The cost for comprehensive and collision almost doubles your total
cost every six months. Don't do anything because I said so! Just look at the situation and discuss what your
family's needs are.
You do get a nice high when you go shopping to purchase something new. The high and
satisfaction that stays with you day after day and month after month from saving your family all that money, by far out
ways it!
"The Love Dare"
Day 4 - Call Your Spouse Unexpected
Well today was pretty straight forward and easily done. I don't have a lot
of experiences to share for Day #4 of the dare so I thought I would share what my husband and I are also doing to improve
our marriage in the year 2009. Read the next post for this exciting information!
"The Love Dare"
Day - 5 Ask Your Spouse Three
Things that Irritate Them About You
On Day 5 of the Love Dare we are to ask our spouse three things
that we do that they are irritated with. When they answer we may not justify our actions or get upset.
I
asked the question to my husband and he came up with only one that had many different things attached. The main time
that he is irritated with me is when I remind him how fast he is going (speeding) and to slow down. Of course I don't
normally stop there. If I notice he doesn't slow down to the speed limit I like to "remind"
him again. From my perspective I am just trying to help us not get a ticket, spending money we don't have, and our
insurance going up. As the dare states it is not my perspective or justification that we are going with here so I kept
my mouth shut!
This irritation lead to then the trash or in his words "anything" that I tell him
or remind him to do. The speeding was not news to me but the rest was. I needed a little clarification which after
asking if he could explain more it sounded like it wasn't as much as an irritation every time until I become the nagging
wife.
Ok, not as bad as I was expecting. I could have come up with quite the list of things I would
like to change about myself. I think this is a good example of the kind of love we should have for our spouse.
My husband is good at not letting things get to him, not sweating the small stuff. I believe I will take my lead from
him (what a concept, since biblically I am already suppose to be doing that) and try to ignore the little irritations
I notice of anyone in my life.
I hope that there were no heated battles going on around the country yesterday when
you asked your spouse this question. If so, today is a new day and we all mess up. So forgive and let's move
on. I will start letting you know what the following day's dare is so that you will be able to benefit from doing
it too.
Day 6 - React Lovingly to Tough Situations in Your Marriage & Make A List of Areas You
Need to Change and Become a Less Irritating Person (oh, fun!)
"The Love Dare"
Day - 6 Where Do I Need To Change?
Day - 7 Make A List of the Positive & Negative
About Your Spouse
Thank Your Spouse for One of The Positives
I am a day behind on the posting of The Love Dare in our marriage, so I am combining
Day 6 & 7 here.
Day 6 Where Do I Need To Change?
I can come up with a nice long list of where
I can use some work. The main theme of the list I believe is giving up control. I have been working on this
for awhile now but there is still more to be done.
Wanting to be in control of things or thinking that I need to
be in control is what I need to change. Does anyone else out there feel that if you don't keep things going (or
stay in control of everything) the house of cards will all just tumble? I do realize I am not in control, only God is!
That realization sometimes gets pushed to the back of my mind when the pressure of life starts to build. When the pressure
is there, I think things should be done a certain way and at a certain time (NOW!). Here is where I need to take a step
back and realize I am not the one holding up the cards of this house!
Things will get done when and how
they get done, with or without me. (Note: To be honest if you are a woman, wife or mother, you know not everything
will get done without you. No offense to the men out there you just don't see everything like a woman's eyes
do.) The point here is to relax and let the things get done that actually need to get done and the rest will be there
for later but that is not the end of the world.
Let go of control. Choose to care and think about what
is important. Have you told your family you love them today? Have you read a book to your children?
Have you taken a moment to think about your spouse and if there is something they had asked you to do for them? Have
you thanked God for the numerous blessings He has showered on you?
Day - 7 Make A List of the Positive & Negative About Your Spouse
Thank Your Spouse for One of the Positives
I like lists and I like to analyze things, so this was enjoyable for me. Whether your list is balanced or
one sided, this is a great exercise to do every now and then. It will show you where you need to let go of negatives
and where you need to focus, on the positive.
I have a sappy marriage over hear, I definitely have more positive
then negative for my husband. Don't worry I came up with some negative, no one is perfect but I have been
blessed greatly by my husband coming into my life. I then did thank him for some of those positive attributes
and let him know how much I appreciate him.
I am taking away more then I expected from the last couple days.
I want to be less consumed with responsibility or at least the control factor of it and I want to thank my husband more for
what he does for me and our family. I know when I choose to focus on these positives and relax about life I am a happier
person and definitely more enjoyable to be around.
I hope you can come away with some things you are changing for
your marriage and for yourself!
Day - 8 Take the Negative List About Your Spouse and Destroy It
Celebrate
an Accomplishment Your Spouse Just Completed
"The Love Dare" Day - 8 Destroy the Negative List About
Your Spouse
Celebrate An Achievement of Your Spouse
Destroying the negative list really gives you
a sense of letting go of the negative attributes of your spouse. Then to focus on what they are great at, how can we
not be in love with our spouse right now.
I love to talk to my spouse about his work. It is above my head
but I am always so impressed with some of the things that he works on during the day. I should probably let you know
he is an Auto Technician. Nowadays you definitely can not just work on your own vehicle. A lot of what he does
is quite advanced with computers and everything coming together just exactly. I am truly proud of my husband and the
work that he puts in to provide for our family. That is probably why I like to talk to him about his work. If
you knew my husband you would know he was made for this type of work and loves doing it!
I am hoping now that it
is the end of 2008 and a new year has begun, we can soon be celebrating his achievement of a raise???
Day - 9 Greet
Your Spouse In A Special Way Today
"The Love Dare"
Day - 9 Greet Your Spouse In A Way That
Shows Your Love For Them
I have always tried to make a big deal with the kids that daddy was home.
When I see him coming down the road I get the kids to run to the front window and then when he pulls in the driveway we all
run to the back door to greet him when he is coming in. In the last few months it seems that I have been missing some
of the nights to remind the kids that I see daddy.
The kids and I are back on track to greet daddy when he gets
home and I have added a big wet kiss from me to show him how much I love him. (It's ok, were married!) I think
he was pleasantly surprised to get more attention instead of just hi honey over my shoulder while making supper.
This was a fun day to think about how elaborate you wanted to get. Some of you who are also doing this dare send me
a comment on how you decided to greet your spouse.
Day - 10 Do Something Out of the Ordinary For Your Spouse
"The Love Dare"
Day 10 - Do Something For Your Spouse To Show Them You
Love Them
This dare was a nice one to do. You could do just about anything for your spouse that
you know they would enjoy. I decided to make my husband cookies. I haven't been baking much since the holidays
so it was over due. He had fresh chocolate chip cookies hot from the oven when he got home from work. (I do think
that nice welcome home kiss is throwing him off though!:))
After we had our fill of cookies I threw them in the
freezer because my husband likes his cookies either right from the oven or frozen. Sounds funny but try it they are
great frozen!
I hope you had fun on Day 10 doing something for your spouse!
Day 11 - Find
a Need You Can Meet for Your Spouse
"The Love Dare"
Day 11 - Find A Need You Can Meet for Your Spouse
Finding a need to meet for your spouse can be easy and can be challenging. I was able to accomplish this dare
only because I chose last night to go shopping. I asked my husband if he needed anything......
He needed
his LP tank filled at Ace Hardware. He needed special bulbs for his work light from Farm N Fleet and then he went on
with a list just to tease me.
I set out to take care of his errands before I did my shopping. This
may not seem like to big of a deal but when the high yesterday was below zero, all parking lots and roads are pretty
much snow/ice covered and I was lifting a full LP tank at 7 1/2 months pregnant, I decided I had out done myself for
Day 11!
Day 12 - Give In To An Area of Disagreement Between You and Your Spouse
"The Love Dare"
Day 12 - Willingly Giving In
On Day 12 we are challenged
to give in to an argument that we are having with our spouse. There has been an ongoing discussion/argument in our household
of the number of children we will be having. So far we have two little blessings and the third is due at the end of
March.
I thought before we were married we discussed this and I had stated I would like to have a big family.
When I thought of what number that a big family means I came up with the number four. Not too big, not too small, just
right in my mind. My husband grew up with two children in the family and, what I remember discussing, didn't want
a huge family but wasn't necessarily set either way. Another thing that I remember being discussed was
we would have one at a time and we will see what God has in store for our family.
Now it seems that even before
baby number three is here we are arguing over whether there will be a number four. Poor baby number three doesn't
even get a chance yet!:) I do think I made up my mind about the number four since our premarital discussions, but my
stand on a "big" or medium size family hasn't changed. I realize I am not being fair with what was
said about focusing on one at a time and then we would see, so as hard as it is I am choosing to back down from
this argument.
Choosing to back down is one thing, if I am honest in my mind I still think I will win in the future.
Then I realize that I am not really backing down at all if I think I will get my way anyway. So to my husband and the
whole world I am agreeing to do what we set out in the beginning of baby making to do, one at a time and then we will see.
That does not mean that I still don't want four, because I do, but I realize there are two to this decision making process
and I truly do respect and love my husband and want to show that, by allowing him to have half of the input here too.
So far Day 12 has been the hardest day for me! I hope your day went a little easier.
Day 13 - Make Rules
with Your Spouse on Fair Fighting
"The Love Dare"
Day 13 - Rules to Fighting Fair
On Day 13 you are suppose
to discuss with your spouse (if it doesn't start a fight) or brainstorm on your own rules of engagement
while in a fight. I was able to come up with a couple rules that I have to remind myself of in the heat of the
moment and my husband came up with a couple too.
The Kuenzi Marriage Rules of Fair Fighting:
1)
Don't Bring Up the Past
I don't think that this has been too difficult to keep in check for either of us
but is a good rule to keep in mind at all times. At anytime you can find yourself making a tally to use against your
spouse during an upcoming battle.
2) I Statements vs You Statements
Here is where you don't
point the finger at the other party during a fight but use statements like.....
I feel.....
I want.....
I need........
Instead of saying things like.....
You make me feel.......
You always........
You never.........
You are still sharing what you do and do not like that your spouse is doing, or what you need differently from your
spouse but in a way that doesn't put them on the defense.
3) Know When To Quit Talking
I came
up with this one for myself because when my mind gets going I sure would like to let my tongue loose too. I
know I need to quit talking! You say things that you don't really mean, and your mind makes things into more
then they are - remember not to sweat the small stuff. Easier said then done because nothing is small stuff in my mind
in the middle of a heated battle! :)
4) Think Before Your Speak
My husband came up with this one
which I thought was interesting. It told me this is probably the reason I get so frustrated when he is taking forever
to talk, he is thinking before he says something he knows will get him into trouble.
I hope that today you were
able to talk with your spouse about fighting fair and were able to come up with a list of rules for your marriage. Please
feel free to share your rules with me and I will post them on the blog!
Day 14 - Neglect Your Activity and Choose
Something Your Spouse Would Like to Do Instead
"The Love Dare" Day 14 - Neglect Your Activity and Choose Something Your
Spouse Would Like to Do
I just began creating this website and blog a few weeks ago which many of you
may know. With just getting a website/blog going there is a ton of time commitment at the beginning. So I chose
to spend time with my spouse instead of working on the website. (I am sorry these last few days of the dare have all
been posted on the same day. I do think that was probably the better choice of prioritizing time with my spouse though,
right?) :)
We didn't do anything too exciting but he did get my undivided attention!
Day 15 - Show
Your Spouse More Respect and Honor Then You Normally Would
"The Love Dare"
Day 15 - Show Your Spouse More Respect and Honor Then
You Normally Would
I think Day 15 is a great challenge for everyday! Something I have been noticing
about myself through out this dare is that I do say things that if it were reversed I would not want said to me.
My husband is very easy going and it doesn't set him off if I sometimes say things that are bothering me. I
have noticed that by saying these things I am being very disrespectful. If my spouse told me things that I was not doing
or that he wanted done differently on a regular basis it would crush me.
To be fair to myself and the
women out there I do think there is a difference in the way we react to these types of comments because of the
difference in the emotional make up of males and females. A lot of times our husbands don't take things the same
way that we do. Males are just not as emotional as females and that is a good thing because that is the
way God created us!
Day 15 of the Love Dare challenge is going to stay with me on a daily basis. I will try
to do a little more of rule #4 from Day 13, Think Before You Talk.
Day 16 - Pray for Your Spouse In 3 Specific
Areas
"The Love Dare"
Day 16 - Pray for Your Spouse In 3 Specific Areas
I liked today's dare to come up with some specific areas to pray for our spouses. I'm sure we all already
pray for our spouses on a regular basis but it was great to sit down and think about some specific areas that we would like
to pray more for our spouse.
3 Areas I Will Be Praying for My Spouse
1) Wisdom to be able to lead
our family in the will of God.
2) Direction in his career and desires for a business.
3)
He would love me and our family more today then yesterday.
I am going to go a step further with today's dare
and write these out on a note card and place them in my bible where we have been reading together (check out the article in
Your Marriage section - Reading through Your Bible In One Year With Your Spouse). My mind is so full with the craziness
of life that those important areas I want to pray for my spouse end up getting lost some where up there. This way
everyday I will be reminded of the specific areas that I would like to pray for my husband.
Day 17 -
Discuss and Keep Your Spouse's Personal Thoughts and Struggles Safe
"The Love Dare"
Day 17 - Discuss and Keep Your Spouse's Personal
Thoughts and Struggles Safe
Today I can't tell you too much about what was talked about or I would
not be fulfilling the dare. I hope you took the time to talk to your spouse about their struggles and discussed the
issues that they are dealing with.
The love for my husband grew realizing he is not perfect and I am not
the only one who struggles. We both struggle in different areas. We can pray for each other in these areas and
pray for God to help us change for the better.
Day 18 - Make A Nice Dinner for Your Spouse and Get To Know Them
Better
"The Love Dare"
Day 18 - Make A Nice Dinner for Your Spouse and Get To Know Them
Better
This dare for me fell on Thursday, January 22, but I am swapping the days around because tonight Saturday,
January 24, my husband and I are going out to dinner. (which is a rarity) I will let you know how I got to know my husband
better soon!
Day 19 - Look Back Over The Past Dares Have You Needed To Change?
"The Love Dare"
Day 19 - Look Back Over The Past Dares Have You Needed
To Change?
Looking back through the 18 days of the Love Dare I would have to honestly say I needed to change more
then I thought I would when I started the Love Dare. The dares have brought thoughts to the surface and realizations
of how my actions affect my marriage.
So I humbly say I am happy that I set out on the journey of the Love
Dare and I hope it has been eye opening and a blessing in your marriage!
Day 20 - Are You Saved? Do You Know
Where You Will Spend Eternity?
"The Love Dare"
Day 20 - Are You Saved? Do You Know Where You Will Spend
Eternity?
Day 20's dare challenge is to think about your relationship with God. Specifically about your
eternity and where you will spending it. Some of you may not have any idea what I am talking about and some may be fellow
believers in Chirst. I have attached a link to our church's website to explain in detail what it means to be saved,
how to know where you are going when you die and how you can have the reassurance that you will live forever with Jesus Christ
in heaven.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes on Him should
not perish but have everlasting life! John 3:16
Calvary Bible Fellowship
http://www.calvarybiblefellowship.com/Statements.htm#STATEMENT_VIIDay 21 - Take Time To Pray and Read Your Bible Daily
